When I was a small kids, I don't really talk out my problems and sadness. I keep all in the deep of my heart. Maybe is because I don't really talk much. And that's why there are people always describe me as 'quiet'. As I grow bigger as a teenager, I was really quite emotional. I angry over small things, scold some innocent person(I still feel very very sorry to them)and cry over for small matters and ever no reason. I was really jealous. Jealous my friends have a happy and sweet family. I jealous they can stick to their father so close. Jealous they have a big brother who 'sayang' them a lot. Jealous their exam result better than me. I jealous everything they have because I don't have in my life and I craving it. When I was 15 years old, I became more worse. I don't aggressive anymore but I can like close my eyes for 1 minute, and all of the sudden burst out my tears because I remind those bad memories,really really bad, like a scar forever. I still don't really talk much about my things to my friends. Because they will never understand how I feel. When I was 16, I feel much more happier. I finally have a deep talk to my mom, and my best friend. It's not easy. But I did it. And from that day onwards, I always talk out my problems. Say everything that I hate it , worried, angry, sad matters, every bad emotion to them. At first, I feel that I'm lucky enough to have people who hear my problems, and my heart feel so much better after talking it out. I have a feeling that I have a key to open my heart. I'm happy.
But things go wrong....
As day by day, I feel more stress. Because not everyone who suitable to be your listener. Some people was really like happy go lucky, they not understand and always say everything will be okay. Don't think negatif. I'm here for you. Bla bla bla.
And some people really like want to get over me, give me a kind of face like I annoy her. And some people was already emotional everyday, after I talk my problem, they become more emo. I feel really bad. I don't like this kind of feeling and this kind of situation happen. I want to stop it from my life.
So I started talk less. Just because I don't want influenced my negative and emotional to them. 😊
I also feel much happier, when I don't say out, I will like automatic forget about it. Because before that, I talk out all my problems, it's feeling good when the moment, but after that those things remind in my brain more clear. Became unforgettable memories.
I have moment, I feel like I will not ever forgive what he had done to me. My life ruined. And what he did to me, I always tell myself I will not forget what you have done. So I keep remind me to remember it. Remember harder. Until i found out, I'm more suffer, I made my life harder. I cried. Cried silently. many times. So I try to forgive but not forget. Because I don't want my life repeat happening this again..and then I started want to forget delete those bad memories in my brain. But I can't do that. I still can't get over. So I change a actions, since I can't forget how about accept it? Just made it a lesson, to be a better person. Sometime life is not just learn mistake from ourselves, we can learn from others too. I accepted. Now I can have a lunch same table with him without any hateness.
If you finish reading this, thank you. Good luck and peace.